Sarah Versus the Tie
by dettiot
Summary: Sarah has fantasies. But she'll never be able to act on them. Or so she thinks.
1. Chapter 1

**Sarah ****Versus ****the ****Tie**** 1/2**

**Author**: dettiot

**Rating**: T

**Summary**: Sarah has fantasies. But she'll never be able to act on them. Or so she thinks.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Chuck_. No copyright infringement intended.

**Author****'****s ****Note**: This two-part story grew out of my thoughts on how Sarah coped with her feelings for Chuck, namely lust and love. It's one thing to admit you're hot for someone-it's something else to admit you're in love. This chapter takes place in late season 2, just before _Chuck __vs__. __the __Predator_. Hope you enjoy!

XXX

Sarah Walker's life used to make sense. Actually, it didn't just make sense-it was easy, even when she was flying around the world, beating up men twice her size and infiltrating terrorist organizations. Because she knew what she was doing and almost nothing surprised her. She had Bryce to watch her back and occasionally share her bed, when post-mission adrenaline wouldn't let her come down any other way. She had Director Graham to serve as a mentor and a guide. And she had herself. If there was one person Sarah knew she could depend on absolutely, it was herself.

But none of that was true anymore. Graham had been dead for nearly a year and Bryce hadn't been her partner for nearly two. And although Bryce had indicated just how willing he was to pick up where they left off-in both their personal and professional relationships-Sarah couldn't do that. Not now. Not when she was on one of the best assignments in her career and not when there was Chuck-

Through sheer determination and years of training, she cut off that line of thought and worked to assume a blank face and a no-nonsense attitude as she stepped into the wardrobe room in Castle. If she could act like everything was fine, like she was the same CIA agent she had always been, maybe she would be able to prevent any more of those embarrassing mental slips she'd been experiencing over the last few weeks.

It had been nearly a month since Cole Barker had left Burbank, but she couldn't stop thinking about him. Well, not him, not really. He was the same kind of cocky, arrogant, confident agent that she had met over and over in her career, and in a few years she probably wouldn't remember what he looked like. He thought that showing interest in her would make her jump at his offer to run away together, and if she was honest, she had a split-second impulse to take him up on it. But it hadn't been hard to realize just how bad an idea it was. To realize that a weekend with Cole Barker wouldn't help her with what she was struggling with.

Even though she had turned him down, even though she could objectively admit that kissing him had been good, it hadn't been enough to sway her. Yet unexpectedly, his presence had been like a stone falling into a pond, creating ripples in her life. And Chuck's.

Cole had been told that Chuck was a computer technician, but it was pretty clear to any agent that he was much more than a tech. After all, analysts and techs never went into the field, and Chuck did, even though he didn't have any real training as a spy-everything that Chuck knew, he had picked up haphazardly. Yet Cole had treated him like a field operative-an inexperienced, naive one, but an agent no less. Cole thought that Chuck had what it took to be a spy. And it seemed to Sarah that Chuck had responded to Cole's belief by acting the part.

Ever since Cole had left, Chuck had spent more time in Castle than before, quietly going over extra intelligence reports, beyond what she or Casey asked him to look at. She noticed that he listened more attentively to conversations when she and Casey discussed strategies or mission plans. He still said he wanted to have the Intersect removed someday, that he wanted a normal life . . . but it was like he was trying to accept the life he had now. More than accept it-he wanted to be good at being a spy.

Chuck had even stopped complaining when they had missions that cut into his plans with Morgan or his sister. He did what he was asked and the rest of the time, it was like he was . . . thinking something over. Trying to figure something out. Like he was hiding something from her.

Sarah shook her head and focused on what had to get done: pick out a suit for Chuck to wear tonight during the mission. Most of the wardrobe was full of clothing for herself and Casey. It was split between dark clothes for missions and a large formal wear area: evening gowns, tuxedos and the like. But there was a small yet growing section for Chuck, thanks to his height and build being so dissimilar from Casey's. Admittedly, Chuck could have picked out his own wardrobe for tonight's mission, but it would save time if she did it. And besides, a good handler would make sure her asset was properly prepared for a mission, down to his clothes. That's all there was to it.

Tonight's mission was taking place at a Beverly Hills mansion, at a party thrown by the Mexican business owner Nina Alvarez. After inheriting a small medical supply company, Alvarez had developed it into a multi-million dollar business. She was often in Los Angeles, moving from social engagements to business meetings, to expand her business. According to recent intelligence chatter, Fulcrum had bought a large stake in the company, reportedly as an investment property and a supply resource. So tonight, they would determine if Fulcrum's involvement in the company had lead to illegal actions by Alvarez Medical.

Unfortunately, Sarah and Casey's attempt at breaking into the mansion two nights ago had not gone well. The vast number of guards and more-difficult-than-expected security system had resulted in their accidental triggering of the alarm. They had to pass off their attempted entry as a couple who were drunk and mistook the mansion for their own, but due to their surprise, neither of them had done a good job at selling it. The head of security had let them leave, but now their faces were known to the guards, leaving Chuck as their only option for tonight.

Attending this party tonight would mean he'd have to fit in with a crowd made up of minor celebrities and the super rich. He'd have to look and act like Charles Carmichael, the young, semi-retired software millionaire that he was supposed to be. Especially if he was going to flirt with Nina Alvarez.

Sarah forced herself to relax her jaw, easing the tension that made her grit her teeth. Chuck could do this. He'd proven with Sasha Banacek that he was perfectly capable of implementing Roan Montgomery's guaranteed plan to seduce any woman. And that was nearly a year ago, before he'd had to consider stringing along his ex for information on Fulcrum and had turned to Sarah for help in doing so. And before he had really seen Bryce Larkin and Cole Barker in action, the kind of agents who could do this kind of mission with their eyes closed-the kind of agents he thought she was interested in.

It had been such a surprise, realizing that Chuck could do something so spy-like as seduce a mark. Certainly he'd been rough and a bit awkward at first, but listening to him sway the Black Widow into inviting him up to her room, seeing the terrorist throw herself at Chuck, after he had proved to Agent Montgomery's satisfaction just how well he could kiss . . .

Her cheeks flushed as she remembered that kiss. It had been months but her lips still tingled when she thought about it. She had kissed him before, but this kiss was different. Because it had been Chuck to initiate it, pulling her to her feet and kissing her deeply. Even though that kiss when she thought they were going to die was special, something about the second one made her want to experience it again. Wanted to have a confident, assured Chuck kiss her, and not for spy-related reasons.

Sarah ducked her head, trying to hide the flush on her face from the surveillance cameras. Unlike Cole Barker, most agents would look at Chuck and not believe he could be a spy. She knew he did, but that meant there were things he had to do that bothered her. It was one thing for her to be sent on seduction missions; she'd been trained by the best and she had plenty of experience. She knew how to separate her own feelings from the job that needed to be done. Chuck, though-he didn't know how to do that. And he shouldn't have to learn that.

Despite his desire for a "normal life", it seemed like Chuck was considering becoming an actual spy. And she didn't like that. Not because he couldn't do it, but because it'd take away all the sweet, wonderful things that made him Chuck. And that was the last thing she wanted.

Swallowing, Sarah made herself flick through the suits hanging in Chuck's section of the wardrobe. She was only Chuck's handler. If he wanted to be more helpful to the CIA and NSA, wanted to see what he was capable of, that was a good thing. Chuck's self-esteem could be so low that maybe learning more would help him to see just how amazing he was. Her feelings on this didn't matter. What mattered was picking out a suit for Chuck for tonight's mission and making sure he was ready to do his part.

It wasn't a formal enough event to require a tuxedo, which was a blessing in Sarah's book. Chuck in a tuxedo wasn't very dashing. Of course, due to his uncertain status, the CIA hadn't paid for a custom-made tuxedo for him, and that would make a big difference, she thought. No man looked good in the baggy, off-the-rack tuxes Chuck had been stuck wearing so far. But in a tailored suit, one that showcased his height and slimness, with a nice tie . . .

And suddenly, in her mind's eye she was seeing Chuck's bare chest.

She was acting like a girl with a crush. A teenage girl who had never seen a shirtless man before, and that was definitely not the case. There was no reason to keep remembering that moment.

XXX

_The __previous __week_

"Chuck, I'm sure that if Jeff has never gotten fired, with all the stunts he's pulled, you're safe even if you've been late to a few shifts."

"That's easy for you to say! But I need this job," Chuck said, sounding like he was on the verge of one of his freak-outs. Last night's mission had run long, right up to the start of Chuck's shift at the Buy More. Chuck was still dressed in the black t-shirt and jeans he had worn during the mission, which was a far cry from his Nerd Herd uniform. "This is the only way I make money, and Big Mike really doesn't like it when you show up out of uniform and he's been fighting with Morgan's mom-"

With a snort, Casey cut off Chuck's babble. "There's a duffel in the back with your work clothes. Most of 'em, at least." When Sarah had glanced at him, Casey had shrugged. "Thought things might go ass-over-teakettle. And Bartowski was jawing about this yesterday."

"Thank you!" Chuck said, looking relieved before turning and reaching into the back of the van to snag the bag.

Sarah frowned slightly. It wasn't good for Chuck to be feeling that much stress from his cover job. Perhaps something was going on that she needed to monitor. If necessary, the CIA could step in and find a way to tell Chuck's boss to-

Chuck was changing in the back seat.

The second she realized that, her eyes immediately flicked to the rear view mirror. He'd left his dark jeans on, but as he yanked the black t-shirt over his head, she was unable to look away. He fumbled with the white dress shirt, unbuttoning it while naked from the waist up.

She really shouldn't be watching this. She should give him privacy. But even after all this time, he was still shy about being less than fully clothed in front of her. If he had to change with her in the room, he always turned his back towards her. And yes, admittedly, there had been that shower during that mission with Jill, but she had been so focused on making sure they washed the "poison" off of them that she hadn't really noticed what he looked like.

From those quick glances, she knew that his back was very nice. But he didn't have any reason to feel shy about his front, she realized as she watched out of the corner of her eye. He might not be sporting a six-pack, but he definitely had some muscle definition. And the hair that covered his chest was just enough, in her opinion. Not like that hairy little terrorist they stole the diamond from during that mission with Carina. The mission, she realized, when Chuck had stolen a look at her changing in the car. Just like she was watching him now.

She moved her eyes away from the mirror as Casey cleared his throat. At least Casey hadn't said something sarcastic to draw Chuck's attention.

"You're a lifesaver, Casey," Chuck said. Sarah turned her head and glanced back at him, feeling both thankful and disappointed that he was now fully dressed and in the process of tying his Nerd Herd tie.

"Just cutting off the whining," Casey said, pulling up in front of the Buy More.

"I don't whine," Chuck protested as he got out of the van, pausing by Sarah's open window.

Casey snorted and Sarah turned to Chuck. "No, you don't," she said, giving him her best professional, cool, 'I am your handler and nothing more' smile. "Have a good day."

Completely belying her professional stance, her hand darted out and quickly adjusted his tie, straightening it slightly. That's all she was doing. She was not touching him because she wanted to.

Chuck smiled back at her, full of warmth and affection and happiness. "I'll check in at lunch. It's good frozen yogurt weather."

Sarah nodded, the words that leaped into her mind not something she could say in front of Casey. And being mildly flirtatious with her asset, as tempting as it was at this moment, was not necessary from a cover maintenance standpoint. It'd give Chuck the wrong idea and that wasn't fair to him, not when she knew he had feelings for her . . .

He tilted his head to one side, looking at her curiously for a moment, then he looked over at Casey. "See you later," he said to the NSA agent. And with that, Chuck turned and headed into the store.

"Peanut butter and chocolate, Walker," Casey said. It took her a moment to place his reference, finally remembering his comment during the mission with his former sensei. To her surprise, he didn't sound sarcastic or needling. More like he was warning her.

There wasn't anything she could say that wouldn't make her look guilty of his charge. So Sarah just ignored him and gotten out of the van. As she walked towards the Orange Orange, she steadfastly pushed the mental image of a shirtless Chuck into the back of her mind, putting it with a rapidly-growing pile of memories that involved him. And then she built a wall in front of those memories, locking them away. Because she couldn't think about Chuck like that.

XXX

Yanking a suit at random out of the wardrobe, Sarah heard a sarcastic voice in her head, one that sounded quite a bit like Carina, asking how well that wall was working out for her.

It wasn't. Not in the slightest. This wasn't the first time she had remembered that morning, letting herself stretch out the memory and imagine what if Casey hadn't been in the van, what if-

She hated being ogled. Feeling like a piece of meat. She'd gotten used to it, almost to the point that she didn't notice when it was happening, but that sense of being mentally undressed could make the hair stand up on the back of her neck. And now she was subjecting Chuck to that. What kind of handler was she? Not only was it completely unprofessional and borderline creepy, but it was a distraction she didn't need. If Chuck suspected that she had watched him get changed, he'd be so embarrassed.

The last thing she wanted was for him to feel embarrassed or insecure. He didn't have to be. He was a wonderful man. Smart, caring, funny, handsome . . .

And off-limits. Because he was the Intersect and considered an asset. And given her reputation within the Agency, admitting that she had fallen for Chuck, trying to have a relationship with him, would wreck her career. Not that she would admit anything when it came to Chuck. Nothing more than having feelings, period. Not feelings for Chuck.

That Carina mental voice was laughing at her.

With a sigh, Sarah leaned against the wall, holding the suit she had picked out for Chuck. This was getting unbearable. Unacceptable. She'd come close to jeopardizing assignments because of this horrible, unsolvable problem.

Her desire to protect Chuck kept growing. It had quickly gone beyond ensuring his physical safety, and it had a long time ago. How else could she explain digging through a dumpster of disgusting garbage for his sister's engagement ring or pulling strings to get him an official diploma from Stanford?

It was one thing, shooting that Fulcrum agent after the hostage situation at the Buy More during Christmas. That she could explain as "protecting the asset" and "eliminating an enemy agent." She had reasons that could be accepted by the CIA. But learning how to make omelets for her asset during a mission in the suburbs-if that little tidbit got out, she would be reassigned so fast it would make her head spin. And that would leave Chuck at the mercy of someone who didn't realize just how special he was. Someone who wouldn't fight for him the way she did.

She looked down at the suit and ran her hand over it. It was getting harder and harder to hide her feelings for Chuck. To preserve the handler-asset relationship that the CIA expected. But she had to remember who she was. She was a spy and it was all she knew. If she lost this, she'd have nothing. And even if Chuck was still interested in a "normal" Sarah Walker, she had no idea who that woman was.

Besides, she wasn't even sure what she was feeling. Perhaps it was just another repeat of her relationship with Bryce: the spark of missions and adrenaline and excitement fooling her into thinking they had something real. She wouldn't let herself get fooled again.

There wasn't much time left before Chuck would be here, and she still needed to find the rest of his outfit and prepare the equipment he'd need. Her introspection would have to wait. Once she was alone in her hotel room, the door locked and her cell phone turned off, then she could think about things like-

No, she wouldn't even let herself think about them in the abstract right now. It would be too easy to get distracted. Lately, it felt like anything related to Chuck waylaid her thoughts and took her off her game. She didn't know what was happening to her, but she didn't like it. And she didn't want to risk her job and Chuck's safety over something that she could control, something she could stop.

Sarah straightened her shoulders. She could do this. She could stay focused. She lifted up the suit, smoothing it out as she hung it on the valet station. Clothes could be armor when you were on a mission, something that gave you an edge in performing your assignment. That would be what Chuck would need tonight, so she would make sure he was ready.

There were only one pair of formal shoes that fit Chuck in the wardrobe, so she pulled them out. She looked at the suit she had picked with a critical eye-a dark charcoal gray with a waistcoat-then turned to the closet.

Definitely French cuffs, she thought to herself, choosing a snowy-white dress shirt in Chuck's size. In the jewelry section, she grabbed a pair of large gold cuff links and set them by the suit, along with the shirt. All that was left now was the tie.

Bryce had always preferred the classic tuxedo and bow-tie on missions like this, she remembered as she looked over the tie rack. And it was a look that worked for him, she admitted. Chuck, on the other hand, was a very different man. He made a three-piece suit look just as dashing as a tuxedo, especially when he had the right tie. Like any man, he didn't seem to care for ties, although he was used to wearing a tie thanks to the Nerd Herd. But the plain gray polyester wasn't very stylish.

Sarah found herself lingering over this, debating which tie would suit Chuck best, what would complete his look of bored millionaire. The red-and-black tie, with a small diamond-print pattern, would be eye-catching. And Chuck did look good in a deep red. But then she spotted a more understated tie: a blue background with wavy lines in white and gray.

When she held the blue tie up against the suit, she found herself smiling a little. He would look good in this, she knew. Very good. Enough to feel confident to seduce Nina Alvarez and get the information they needed.

She could imagine how it would happen. Chuck would approach Alvarez, pretending to be a rich nerd who had gotten bored of the party scene. He'd look into her eyes, listen to her and smile at her and . . .

If it had been Sarah, it wouldn't be long before she had taken him by the tie and pulled him in for a kiss.

Before she had realized what she was doing, Sarah found herself imagining just that.

XXX

_A __string __quartet __played __softly __in __the __foyer __of __the __Spanish__-__style __mansion__, __mingling __with __the __buzz __of __dozens __of __conversations__. __Sarah __looked __around__, __feeling __her __hair __brush __against __her __shoulders__. __In __a __mirror __she __caught __a __glimpse __of __herself__: __carefully __tousled __hair__, __smoky __eye __makeup__, __and __a __form__-__fitting __dress __in __a __deep __midnight __blue__, __its __subtle __shimmer __accentuated __by __her __diamond __earrings __and __bracelet__. _

_Lifting __a __glass __of __champagne __from __a __passing __waiter__'__s __tray__, __Sarah __sipped __it__, __waiting__. __She__'__d __never __waited __for __a __man __before__, __but __tonight__, __she __was__. _

_A hand __touched __her __shoulder__. "__Sarah__." _

_There __was __something __about __the __way __Chuck __said __those __two __syllables __that __made __them __special__. __Made __her __wish __that __it __wasn__'__t __a __fake __name__. __But __then__, __maybe __it __was __her __real __name__. __Sometime __during __the __years __she __had __known __him__, __she__'__d __become __Sarah __because __that__'__s __who __she __was __to __him__. _

_Turning __around __slowly__, __she __looked __up __at __him__, __noticing __he __looked __even __better __in __the __clothes __she __had __picked __for __him__. __He __looked __handsome__-__downright __gorgeous__. __And __he __was __looking __at __her __like __she __was __the __only __thing __that __mattered __in __the __whole __world__. _

"_Hi__, __Chuck__," __she __said__, __her __voice __soft __and __caressing__. __She __could __see __his __Adam__'__s __apple __bob __as __he __swallowed__. _

"_I__-__I __thought __I __was __alone __tonight__," __he __said__, __sounding __a __bit __choked__. _

_She __took __a __small __sip __of __champagne __before __setting __down __her __glass__. "__Change __of __plans__," __she __said__, __reaching __out __to __lightly __touch __one __of __the __lapels __of __his __suit __jacket__. _

_He __looked __down __at __her __hand __on __his __chest__, __then __whipped __his __head __up __to __look __at __her__. "__Sarah__?" __He __sounded __bewildered __and __confused__, __like __he __didn__'__t __know __what __was __going __on__. _

_Even __in __her __head__, __he __sounded __so __adorable __that __Sarah __couldn__'__t __help __smiling __up __at __him__. __Not __a __cool__, __reserved __smile__, __but __a __beaming __one__, __full __of __happiness__. __The __kind __of __smile __that __she __wouldn__'__t __let __herself __give __him __normally__. _

"_Do __you __like __the __suit __I __picked __out __for __you__?" __she __asked __him__, __her __fingers __stroking __the __material __of __the __jacket__. _

_Chuck__'__s __head __jerked __a __shaky __nod__, __then __licked __his __lips__. __Her __eyes __zeroed __in __on __the __action __and __she __moved __closer __to __him__. _

"_And__-__and __the __tie__?" __Her __voice __had __gotten __breathy__, __dipping __down __into __a __lower __register __that __she__'__d __never __used __before__. _

"_Y__-" __If __his __voice __had __sounded __choked __before__, __now __it __was __strangled__. __He __cleared __his __throat __and __tried __again__. "__Yes__. __It__-__it__'__s __a __very __nice __tie__." _

"_Mmm__," __she __hummed __in __agreement__, __slipping __her __hand __up __a __little __in __order __to __wrap __around __the __tie__. __She __looked __up __at __him __through __her __lashes__, __savoring __this __moment__. __Because __this __was __what __she __had __wanted __for __months__. __She __wanted __to __kiss __him__. __Not __when __they __thought __they __were __going __to __die__, __not __for __a __mission __or __for __their __cover__. __Sarah __Walker __wanted __to __kiss __Chuck __Bartowski __because __when __that __happened__, __she __felt __alive__, __more __alive __than __she __had __felt __in __years__. _

"_Sarah__," __he __whispered__, __one __of __his __hands __coming __up __to __press __against __the __center __of __her __back__. __She __felt __sparks __when __he __touched __her__, __liked __that __he __was __pulling __her __in __closer __to __him __even __as __he __seemed __so __dazed __and __surprised __by __what __she __was __doing__. _

_Looking at him, Sarah __felt __something __inside __her __shift __and __fall __into __place__. __She __didn__'__t __know __what __it __was__, __didn__'__t __know __what __it __meant__. __But __she __did __know __that __she __was __tired __of __waiting__. __She __gave __his __tie __a __gentle __tug__, __turning __her __head __as __he __came __closer__. __His __breath __washed __over __her __lips __and __she __let __out __a __sigh__. "__Chuck__ . . ." _

_And __somehow__, __he __knew __that __meant __he __should __kiss __her, because __he __pressed __his __lips __against __hers__._

_It __was __soft __at __first__; __Sarah __felt __her __eyelids __slip __shut __at __the __gentleness __of __the __kiss__. __His __fingertips __stroked __lightly __at __the __bare __skin __of __her __back__, __keeping __her __close __to __him__. __But __then __his __lips __parted __and __the __kiss __deepened __into __something __hot __and __sexy __and __full __of __need__. _

_Sarah __gripped __his __tie__, __feeling __her __body __melt __against __his__. __She __kissed __him __back __with __everything __she __had__: __all __her __confused __emotions__, __the __feelings __she __couldn__'__t __name __and __wouldn__'__t __reveal__, __mixed __with __lust __and __desire __and __above __all __else__, __a __deep__, __aching __affection __for __the __man __she __couldn__'__t __have __except __in __a __fantasy __like __this__. _

_The __need __to __breathe __made __her __tear __her __lips __away__, __panting__. "__Chuck__," __she __said__, __hearing __her __voice __break __on __his __name__._

"_Sarah__," __he __replied__. __But __he __didn__'__t __sound __like __how __she __expected __him __to __sound__. __He __was__ . . . __curious__? _

XXX

It was all she could do not to gasp as she realized she had slipped into an embarrassingly hot fantasy about Chuck in the middle of Castle-and that Chuck was standing in front of her, looking confused.

"Are you okay?" he asked, taking a step towards her. "I've never seen you zone out like that."

"Um . . ." she said, frantically trying to school her expression and body language into something normal. She felt like her face was as red as a tomato and her lungs ached slightly at the effort to regulate her breathing. "I just-I have a lot on my mind right now."

Chuck looked at her, his eyes measuring her. "Anything I can help with?" he asked, his voice friendly.

If she wasn't a highly-trained spy, gifted at hiding her true feelings, she would let out a hysterical laugh. Instead, she managed a small smile. "No, but thanks, Chuck. I-we need to get you ready for your mission tonight." She turned to double-check the clothing she had picked out for him, making sure she hadn't forgotten anything in the midst of falling into a completely unprofessional daydream.

"Are you sure? I mean, if you need to talk, we can do that while I get changed . . ." Chuck said.

Sarah swallowed. That just might kill her. "I appreciate the thought, Chuck, but I'm fine, really. Get changed and then Casey and I will go over the mission specs with you."

He didn't look very satisfied with that, but then he nodded. "Okay." He gave her a small smile. "I like the suit. Thank you, by the way."

"You're welcome," Sarah said, hoping that she'd done enough to reassure Chuck that everything was okay. Because she really needed to put some distance between herself and Chuck. And although part of her wanted to leave and go straight to her hotel room so she could get over her embarrassment, she just nodded to him. "See you in a few minutes."

She really did only have a few minutes. So Sarah made a beeline for the large supply closet just down the hall from the wardrobe. There had been a few times when she needed to be alone while at work, and that closet had always been her go-to spot. And at this moment, she really needed her closet.

Stepping into the room, Sarah pulled the door shut and took a few deep breaths. Slowly, she felt herself calm down enough that she could get through tonight. And then . . . then she'd go to her hotel room and deal with the mess that she was in.

Because having the hots for your asset was bad enough. But if you maybe might have some kind of feelings for your asset, feelings of a romantic nature-that was the real mess.

End, Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Sarah ****Versus ****the ****Tie**** 2/2**

**Author**: dettiot

**Rating**: T

**Summary**: Sarah has fantasies. But she'll never be able to act on them. Or so she thinks.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own _Chuck_. No copyright infringement intended.

**Author****'****s ****Note**: Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed! Hope you enjoy seeing the flip side to Sarah's dilemma in chapter one. This chapter takes place in early season 4, diverging from the events of _Chuck __vs__. __the __Anniversary_.

XXX

Sarah Walker had always accepted that being a spy meant putting her own desires aside when more important things required a higher priority. She had accepted that state of affairs completely, even when it meant she was full of longing and downright miserable. And while the current situation wasn't the worst challenge she'd faced since she had met Chuck Bartowski, it was hard to remember that at this moment in time.

Since they had become a couple, she'd gotten used to sharing her life with Chuck. Actually, that had started happening long before they began dating officially. Either way, she was used to seeing Chuck for hours on end, going over reports together and sleeping next to him. But after months of globe-trotting without him, she was ready to go AWOL if it meant getting some time with him.

As she walked into Castle with Casey, she mused on how ironic it was that her original worries about them had become moot. When she had finally admitted that she had feelings for Chuck, she had thought it meant giving up something. When they had told Beckman about their relationship, discovering she could have Chuck and her job had seemed like something out of a dream. She had never thought she might "have it all", but she really did. Her career was doing well, she had friends like Ellie and Devon, and she had Chuck.

For a while, she had been spoiled. It was a heady combination, working with Chuck and then going home with him. Within hours of meeting him, Sarah had been charmed by Chuck's kindness, his intelligence, his goodness. The more she got to know him, the more she found to like. And when she began noticing just how attractive he was . . . well, it combined into a pretty devastating package.

She had spent months wrestling with her feelings for him-feelings that she knew she shouldn't be having about her asset. The 49B had been a wake-up call: she knew she had utterly failed at concealing her true emotions if General Beckman could see them through a video screen. She knew there was almost no chance of staying in Burbank. So she had mentally prepared herself to say goodbye to Chuck. Had even been considering just how she would spend her last night with him, when Casey's unexpected support and Forrest's foul-up had let her stay.

With that reprieve or curse-she still wasn't sure which-Sarah knew what she should do. She should bury her feelings, act like a true professional, and do her job by putting the CIA's interests first, not Chuck's. That's what a real spy would do. But instead, she kept doing the exact opposite. She helped Chuck find his father even when ordered to move him to a government bunker; she chose to stay in Burbank instead of joining Bryce in Washington as part of the new Intersect team. And she had asked Chuck to run away with her, refusing to believe that the new Intersect could be anything other than the beginning of the end for them.

Instead, it was the beginning of something new for them. Those months after he had left her in Prague made her two years of soul-searching and struggle seem like child's play. Having Chuck reject her and choose the CIA . . . she hadn't expected that to happen. She hadn't realized that Chuck thought he needed to change, to become a better man. That he thought being a spy would make him better. Learning that, she had been scared she would lose Chuck, that he would turn into some strange Bryce clone. She thought becoming a spy would destroy him. But instead, it had helped Chuck become who he wanted to be.

When she grasped that, she had felt so proud of him for taking such a risk. She couldn't find the words to tell him how brave she thought he was. Now she saw that Chuck-her Chuck-was too strong to get wiped away by the CIA. He still loved his video games and all the strange figures that collected dust in his apartment. But he was also a very good spy: crafty, intelligent, and loyal. He was everything she could want in a partner.

But ever since Chuck had quit the CIA to reassure his sister, Sarah had felt the loss. She hadn't realized just how much she would miss working with him. Casey was a great partner; they saw eye-to-eye on many things and worked together well. But Casey wasn't Chuck, who watched her back on missions, then held her afterwards. It was the quiet times after missions, when they were in a hotel room or flying home, that she missed just as much as his presence during the mission.

She understood why Chuck had quit. She had offered him her unconditional support when he told her about his decision, because that was her first instinct. But she couldn't help feeling that things would be so much easier if Chuck was still working with them. When Casey had muttered that he wished Chuck had been with them, she had found herself silently agreeing, even though out loud she had reminded Casey of why Chuck quit. What else could she do? Chuck wasn't a spy anymore and he wasn't going to come back, no matter how much he could help with missions like the hunt for Alexei Volkoff. So while she and Casey chased after the Russian arms dealer, Chuck stayed in Burbank to find a new job.

At least they had were uncovering solid information, and were returning to Burbank with a Volkoff weapon to turn over to General Beckman. That didn't change how much she was worrying about the length of this mission. Although they had been gathering data for months, they seemed no closer to tracking down Volkoff. The longer she spent away, the more she worried that when she got back for good, her relationship with Chuck would have suffered. They had so little contact when she was gone and she was always passing through Burbank. How could they keep their relationship working if they didn't see each other?

Maybe, since Beckman was in Burbank now, she could ask for a meeting with the general. If she was going to request that their missions against Volkoff be spaced out a bit more, or at least ask for some leave, it seemed better to do that in person.

She missed Chuck. Over the past four months, she could count the number of days they had been together on one hand. Just when she had grown to depend on him, he had been taken away.

And she had to admit she wasn't handling being cut off very well.

It was all Chuck's fault, she thought. Just kissing him was enough to make her toes curl, because he never failed to show her how much he loved her. He put her first, in so many ways-including in the bedroom. Even in her wildest dreams, she wouldn't have suspected the physical side of their relationship to be as good as it was. It was beyond good, actually. More like knee-shaking, body-melting amazing.

When she had fantasized about Chuck, it had been more about kissing him. Being held by him. She hadn't really contemplated what sex with him might be like. It had probably been an attempt by her subconscious to keep her sanity intact-it had been bad enough imagining what kissing him for real would be like. Plus, it had been quite a while since she had slept with anyone. Any urges she felt in that area had been overwhelmed by the up-and-down nature of her relationship with Chuck.

Now that she knew what it was like . . . it was a testament to how much she put her country first. Because he really knew what he was doing. And a woman could get addicted to that, especially when the man in question was the boyfriend with whom she was madly in love.

Chuck might not have gone to Roan Montgomery's seduction training, but he had his own skills. And he had qualities that wouldn't have been included in such training, ones that were more important than she realized. He was enthusiastic; so passionate that she found herself getting swept away by him. And he wasn't afraid of showing her just how much he wanted her, even when it might be embarrassing. Best of all, his sense of humor and intelligence made the sex even better. In bed, Chuck could be as cocky and confident as any man she'd ever met.

Then was it any wonder that going without Chuck for four months was enough for her to have a one-track mind? That there were moments when she ached for him and wished that they could be together?

Being in a long-distance relationship was proving harder than she thought it would be. She hoped that before she got sent on another mission, she might have enough time to talk to Chuck about the photo he had sent her. Because it was not fair to have shirtless Chuck on her phone, being able to look but not touch.

Feeling the heat rise in her cheeks, she shot Casey a furtive glance. "Do you think we might get a break after this job?"

"What's wrong, Walker? Missing Bartowski's charms too much?" Casey asked without any real malice in his voice.

"You have to admit, it'd be nice to stay someplace familiar for a while," Sarah replied.

Casey grunted. "Spies don't put down roots." He handed her a folder. "Looks like there's a new lead."

She opened the folder, bracing herself for the worst. It took a second read of the file for the words to sink in. "Los Angeles?"

"Looks like you get your wish, Walker," Casey said with a smirk. "Think you can manage to get through the mission without attacking Bartowski?"

From the look on Casey's face, she must have a big, dopey smile on her face. Because he grunted and turned away, checking on the EMP they had retrieved while she pulled out her cell phone to call Chuck. This was news that she couldn't wait to share with him.

XXX

Having Chuck in the debriefing was like old times, Sarah thought as they stood in the manager's office of the Buy More. She knew he was nervous about being here, since he kept glancing out the windows, looking towards the sales floor like he expected Ellie to pop up out of nowhere. In her opinion, it wasn't fair to him that Beckman wouldn't let him quit. But honestly, she had always been surprised that Beckman had gone along with his resignation in the first place.

It made her feel guilty that while he was worrying about breaking his promise to his sister, she had to keep her hands clasped in front of her or she'd attack him. Because he looked very, very nice in his suit.

Beckman, wearing a Buy More manager's uniform, bustled into the office and took a seat at the desk. "Good day, agents. Tonight you will be attending the final concert in Lina Nakraskova's world tour."

"Lina Nakraskova?" Chuck asked, his voice excited.

Sarah glanced at her boyfriend, her eyebrows raised. Chuck seemed almost giddy, a reaction she hadn't expected him to have given the circumstances.

"She's amazing. She came here from the former Soviet Union when she was a teenager, and she became this huge pop star, but now she's gone way beyond pop. She's like, Christina Aguilera but with a better voice, mixed with a less-weird Lady Gaga."

General Beckman arched an eyebrow. "If you're quite done, Agent Bartowski?"

Chuck looked sheepish and mimed zipping his lips shut.

"As Agent Bartowski said, Ms. Nakraskova emigrated to the United States from the former Soviet republic of Georgia. Recently, we've received reports that she has aligned herself with radical Georgian terrorists who are planning attacks on targets in Georgia and Russia."

"You think this pop star is that important, ma'am?" Casey asked.

"It's possible. Our concern is that since little happens in that part of the world without Alexei Volkoff's weapons being used, apprehending Ms. Nakraskova might give us some insight into Volkoff's dealings," Beckman replied.

"What's our mission, General?" Sarah said, taking a step forward.

"Thanks to your experience with Tyler Martin, and your time spent tracking Volkoff, you were our first choice. It's good to see Agent Bartowski is familiar with Ms. Nakraskova, since he'll be going in as a music journalist, interviewing her for the L.A. Times."

"General, can I remind you that I'm out of the spy-"

"Agent Bartowski, I can appreciate your reservations, but I'm afraid that at this time, we can't accommodate you," the general said, looking over the top of her glasses at him. "We need you, because while Agent Walker and Major Casey have done sterling work, it's taking too long. With your help, we can speed up our search for Volkoff."

Sarah looked at Chuck and reached out to rest her hand on his arm. As much as she wished there was something that could be done, Beckman had maneuvered Chuck into a corner. He hadn't been able to find a new job thanks to the general's interference. It seemed there was no way Chuck could get out of this.

He must have come to the same conclusion, because he nodded, his jaw tight.

"Thank you, Agent Bartowski," the general said. "Meanwhile, Agent Walker, Major Casey, you will be searching the tour vehicles, looking for this."

She handed them some photographs of a copy of _War __and __Peace_. "This first edition is Ms. Nakraskova's favorite book, and it's believed to hold a secret safe-the perfect place for a USB drive from the terrorists, containing technical specifications on the EMP device you recovered in Hong Kong."

"Yes, ma'am," Casey said.

"Very well. Agent Bartowksi, you're dismissed. Agent Walker and Major Casey will debrief and then join you to prepare for tonight's mission."

"May I have a moment alone with Chuck, General?" Sarah asked. At Beckman's nod, Sarah took Chuck's arm and stepped out of the office, walking far enough away that they couldn't be overheard.

"I'm really sorry about this, Chuck," she said softly, gazing at him.

"It's not your fault," he said, his shoulders slightly slumped. "I just hate the thought of not being honest with Ellie."

Sarah took his hand and squeezed it. "We'll figure something out." She cast about for something that might cheer him up a little. "You seem excited about meeting this singer."

Chuck looked at her and managed a small smile. "She's one of my favorites. I used to have a poster of her in my bedroom when I was younger-right next to the Tron poster."

"The intel could be wrong about her," Sarah said, holding firm to his hand. "And at least you'll have the chance to meet her, actually talk to her."

"My sixteen-year-old self would have killed for that," Chuck said, looking more relaxed and less sad. "Even me at twenty-nine is pretty excited."

If he could joke around, he would be okay, she knew. She gave him a smile in return. "And if we don't find anything, we can stay for the concert."

"You're the best girlfriend in the world," he said, quickly kissing her cheek. "You probably need to get back in there."

She nodded and gave his hand a final squeeze. "I'll see you later." She was all set to let him go, but instead, she leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

She could feel him smile against her lips, then she pulled back. "Bye," she said, feeling a bit breathless.

Chuck gazed at her and gently tucked some hair behind her ear. "Bye," he replied, giving her that special just-for-her smile before turning and walking towards the exit.

When she turned to go back to the office, her knees shook for a moment. Part of her hoped that Lina Nakraskova turned out to be a terrorist, because otherwise she'd have to sit in a concert with Chuck and not touch him. And she didn't know if she could do that.

XXX

The debriefing was very thorough, taking much longer than Sarah had anticipated. She looked at her watch as she walked with Casey towards the Orange Orange. "We have forty-five minutes to get ready for the mission."

"Plenty of time," Casey said. "I'll prep our equipment. You make sure Bartowski is ready." At her look, he shrugged. "He's been out of the game for a while."

"For a few months-that seems hardly enough time to forget everything about being a spy," she said.

"Not that he knew all that much," Casey shot back.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Fine, get the gear we'll need." She stepped into the freezer, waiting for the scanner to read her retina, then walked into Castle. Casey followed her and went straight towards the armory. Shaking her head, she headed for the wardrobe room.

As she got closer, she heard loud music: thumping bass and a female voice wailing, sounding like she was being tortured.

If this was Lina Nakraskova, Sarah _really_ hoped she was a terrorist, because she wasn't sure she could sit through a whole concert of this.

When she stepped into the wardrobe room, she couldn't help smiling even with the way her ears were being assaulted. Chuck, dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt, was singing along with the music as he went through the clothing racks. He sounded pretty good, she thought-at least he didn't sound like he was getting strangled.

He pulled a white button-down out of the closet and turned around, doing a little dance as he kept singing. She covered her mouth with her hand to hold back her laughter, but Chuck caught sight of her. His ears went red and he rubbed a hand against the back of his neck.

"Having fun?" she asked, turning down the volume on the portable speaker hooked up to his phone.

"I just . . . I was preparing! Yeah," he said, smiling at her shyly.

Sarah couldn't help laughing again as she walked towards him. "You're really excited about this mission, huh?"

Chuck set aside the shirt and rested his hands on her hips. "I kinda am . . . not just because of Lina and getting to interview her. But because-I'm good at this. Being a spy, I mean. And I never thought I would be, so even though I hate lying to Ellie and am annoyed by General Beckman, I'm-I'm glad to be back."

Rubbing her hands against his forearms, enjoying the feel of him being close to her, Sarah smiled at him. "I'm glad, too."

A bright smile lit up his face. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I've really missed you."

"I've missed you, too." He brushed a soft kiss over her lips and Sarah nearly sighed. If they kept this up, they would never leave this room. She shouldn't let herself get distracted.

"Do you feel ready for the mission?" she asked, gazing at him.

"Yeah, I do . . . although you and Casey have the hard job," he said, looking at her with soft eyes. "I guess Beckman wanted to ease me back in."

"Maybe," Sarah said, still rubbing his arms. "But I know you'll do great." She gave him a smile, enjoying how he smiled back, how his shoulders straightened a little like she had given him a shot of confidence.

"Thank you," he said softly.

She felt her cheeks flush. When he looked at her like that, she felt like throwing aside all her duties and kissing him until he was breathless.

"We-we both need to finish getting ready," she said quickly.

Chuck sighed but nodded. "You're right." He kissed her cheek and then pulled back from her. "Do you mind if I turn the music up? I want to be ready to talk about Lina's new album with her."

It was all she could do not to wrinkle her nose, but her distaste must have registered, because Chuck grinned at her. "Not a fan?"

"Not really," she admitted, going towards the section of the wardrobe that held more casual clothing, appropriate for her part of the mission. "But you are, so that will probably help you tonight."

"I am," Chuck said, launching into an explanation of why he liked Lina Nakraskova as he finished getting dressed. He started with her music, then moved into her humanitarian work. She listened to him as she changed into dark clothing: a form-fitting, long-sleeved shirt and a pair of pants with cargo pockets.

As he kept talking, expressing several compliments towards a suspected terrorist, Sarah found herself worrying her lower lip. It was ridiculous to feel this way: to suspect that Chuck had lost interest in her. Just because he was excited about meeting one of his favorite singers didn't mean she had to feel jealous. Clearly, she was overreacting.

Sarah pulled her hair back into a messy bun, wanting the bulk of her hair to be out of her face, then turned to look at Chuck. He gave her a smile, but she barely noticed it.

It was not fair that he looked so good.

To go with the jeans and Chucks he had been wearing when she walked in, Chuck had put on a white dress shirt, a black and white checked tie and a black cardigan. His shirt sleeves were rolled up a little over the cardigan sleeves and the shirt tails peeked out from the bottom of the cardigan. He looked casual yet stylish, and even taller and leaner than he was. And hotter.

"Sarah?"

She startled, snapping out of her lustful daze. "What?"

"I just asked if you thought I looked like a music journalist," he said, stepping towards her.

Looking at him, Sarah felt a rush of emotions. They had been apart for so long because of work, and here the CIA was once again standing between them. Not only was this mission delaying their reunion and all that entailed, but Chuck would be showing another woman his subtle charm and passion for music. Someone who was bound to appreciate his knowledge and enthusiasm, especially when it was coming from a handsome man, one with big brown eyes and a tall, lanky yet muscular build.

The thought that some terrorist would get to enjoy all this while she would be crawling around on a smelly bus looking for a book . . . she could almost hear her inhibitions breaking into a million pieces.

Sarah took a breath and reached out, touching his tie lightly. "I think you look amazing."

Chuck ducked his head, a small smile on his face. "You think they won't immediately suspect I'm not who I'm supposed to be?"

"Mm, no," she said softly, shaking her head as she took another step towards him. She drew his tie out from under the cardigan and rubbed her thumb over the silky fabric.

He blinked, his eyes widening a little. "G-good, then." He looked down at his chest, watching her play with his tie.

"I like this look," she said softly, looking at him through her eyelashes.

"Oh?" he asked, his voice a bit high-pitched. He swallowed. "Sarah, you-I've missed you so much, and you know that I'd rather be home with you than going on this mission, right?"

His sweet earnestness brought a lump to her throat. She nodded. "I know." She tugged him closer by his tie. There were so many times that she had imagined doing this, but she'd never really done it. At this moment, the desire to fulfill her fantasy was trumping everything else.

"Chuck, I-" She looked up at him, needing to show him how much she loved him. Wanting, in the midst of their hectic lives, to grab on and make him her Chuck again.

She felt his arm wrap around her waist, holding her against him. Chuck brushed his nose against hers and she reflexively gripped his tie. "Sarah," he whispered just before he pressed his lips against hers.

And just like that, things started to fit into place for her.

Closing her eyes, Sarah savored the kiss, how soft and deep it was after months of his kisses brushing lightly over her lips. She rested her free hand against his chest, still holding on to his tie, as she kissed him back.

The kiss came to a slow end and Sarah a knot in her chest loosen at how right this felt. She looked up at Chuck, who looked so adorably dazed that she felt her heart beat faster.

"Sarah-we-I-I think we need someplace-" Chuck stuttered. He cleared his throat. "It's been so long and you're so beautiful-I love you so much . . . "

She felt a wide smile bloom on her face. He wanted this, too. He wanted to make her his Sarah. She took a small step back, sliding her hands down to take his. "Come with me."

He nodded eagerly. "Yes. Yes, I can do that-I want to do that."

How could she want to rip his clothes off and hug him as tight as she could, all at the same time? It was a combination of feelings she had only ever felt for him and she hoped she could keep feeling it for a long, long time.

Tugging on his hands, she pulled him out of the wardrobe room, leading him towards her supply closet, the one she visited on the rare occasions she needed to be alone and out of view of the surveillance cameras.

Chuck looked around. "I had no idea this room existed," he said, shuffling his feet a little.

"No?" she asked, leaning in to kiss his jaw. "I thought you had Castle's blueprints memorized."

"It's not necessary, since I have the Intersect-Sarah . . ." he moaned softly, pulling her in tight against him and kissing her deeply.

She really loved kissing Chuck and being kissed by him, Sarah thought in the one corner of her mind that was still functioning. Sliding a hand into his hair, she held on as she kissed him back, sucking softly on his lower lip. With her free hand, she traced her fingers along his spine, knowing just how sensitive he was.

Her ploy both backfired and worked brilliantly. He gasped against her lips and moved her back against the door of the closet, one of his hands sliding down to lift up her leg.

"Chuck," she panted, wrapping herself around him. Sarah felt like her body was on fire. This wasn't the most romantic setting for their first time back together, but she was past caring. She pulled him in for another kiss as she rocked against him.

Using his wiry strength that still could surprise her, Chuck lifted her up against the door, eliciting a half-gasp, half-moan from her. She tugged on his tie, loosening it enough so she could kiss and lick his throat.

His hips pressed hard against her and Sarah felt herself tremble. He kissed her and started pushing up the bottom of her t-shirt, but a loud pounding on the door penetrated her senses and distracted her. She pulled her lips away from Chuck, trying to figure out what that noise was.

"Walker, Bartowski!" Casey growled. "I don't wanna come in there, but if you blow this mission you'll have to answer to Beckman."

Sarah swallowed, her eyes locked on Chuck's. When she answered, she sounded winded and out-of-breath. "We'll be out in a minute, Casey."

Casey grunted. "If you're not, I'm leavin' without you." She could hear him stomping his feet as he walked away.

"Well, that's something I never wanted-being caught _in __flagrante_ by John Casey," Chuck said, panting a little as he leaned his head on her shoulder.

Something about this situation made Sarah giggle softly. "We didn't even get any clothing off. That doesn't sound very _flagrante_ to me."

"Trust me, if Casey had come in thirty seconds later, it would have been." Chuck grinned at her, even as his eyes stayed dark and full of heat.

She gently stroked the side of his face. "I know, baby. Later," she promised, sliding down to her feet.

"Yeah . . . we're not staying for the concert," he said, adjusting his clothes.

"Oh? You figured out a more appealing way to spend your evening?" she teased gently as she straightened her shirt.

"Mm-hmmm," Chuck said, kissing her lightly but keeping his body from coming into contact with hers. "I'm sure you're jumping for joy, since you were only going to make me happy."

Sarah smiled at him, a bit sheepishly. A frenzied make-out session was enough to take the edge off, and knowing that they'd reach the full conclusion later tonight was definitely something she was looking forward to, more than any concert.

"You've got lipstick," she said, gently rubbing the color away from his lips. She tucked his tie back inside his cardigan, then gave his chest a light pat.

"So you like the tie," he said, taking her hand and opening the door to the closet.

She paused for a moment, gazing at the man that she loved madly, more than she could say. The man who excited her, challenged her, made her better and loved her with every fiber of his being. When she spoke, her voice was soft.

"I love the tie."

End.


End file.
